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its almost 2008...


2007, for me, was a time of change.  my outlooks on life, boys, friends, responsibilities, and family have flipped in a positive way from previous years. i am content with who i am, my friends, my education, and my life.

under the cut i will post pictures of the people who affected my 2007 the most and a short paragraph about how them this year.


it's such an awesome feeling to know i'm a better person than i was 6 months ago.

yesterday i went to school & after school went over zak's. we just sat around & i played pokemon on gameboy.  then, i went over brian's. i lovelovelove him, he makes me so happy. his mom found me a job at her work, so if i dont get the italian sensations job, then i'll do that. =]

today im not going to school and i have to write an essay soon. =/. i have to go down to john hopkin's hospital and get my fingers checked out. y/y - n. =/




"keep moving on, keep moving on, keep moving on. face your fear. accept your war. it is what it is."

it's 8:18 and i'm not in school. i wanted to go but my mom said not to because she is so worried about me. my hands are in so much pain. there is a dull stiff feeling between each and every joint in my hands, in my knnuckles, below my wrist, the base of my thumb, and places i didn't even know existed. i can't grasp objects or bend my hands in any remote way. they hurt! so today, im going to the doctor.

last night brian came over after work. i love him. he's so cute too.

oh tomorrow is 420. =]


"i don't want to be a face in the crowd the way I used to be. same old sound. i want to twist and shout. i want to learn about. i want to speak aloud. this future tied to me is too much for me."

today was probably the weirdest day of my life. for assembly all of our school's bands, chorales, & orchestras played on stage. it was about an hour long and the last act was the Jazz Band and they played "play that funky music white boy." basically, it was a semi-slow progression. people strated clapping the beat. then, mrs. reichelt stood up and began dancing in the back. mrs. mihm joined right after. then there were about 20 other teachers all in the back dancing. then, about half of the student body stood in their seats and started dancing. i seriously couldn't believe what the hell was going on around me. i felt like i was on drugs or something. as soon as the music ended everyone sat down and didn't act like it was weird at all.

seriously, at what kind of school do things like this happen?



"your hazel-green tint eyes watching every move I make. and that feeling of doubt, it's erased. i'll never feel alone again with you by my side. you're the one, and in you I confide. and we have gone through good and bad times. but your unconditional love was always on my mind. you've been there from the start for me. and your loves always been true as can be. i give my heart to you. i give my heart, cause nothing can compare in this world to you."

mike, i miss you so much. i wish you never moved. =/

anyway, yesterday was ze shit. i went to school & found out daisy and brittany aren't coming to the 420 party so i told alyssa & katherine they could come if they wanted. that would be so cool. i left school and went straight to brian's. then we went to the mall to try to find this thing renata told us about at spencers. they didn't have it in harford mall... not a surprise. so we just came home to my house and watched sex and the city until 10. he left and i went to sleep.

im soooooo in looooveeee wiifff youuu boooyyyy.
btw, my and brian's one-month was yesterday. cool.



ok im posting this the same time as below but....this is worthy of it's own post.

alyssa and i are friends again. yus plz.


"i was turning over with the sheets, and facing the arched back thinking of how my eyes, half-opened, caught her arm moving from side to side, but never to me. it's all connected by blank words to tell empty promises of clumsy miscommunication."

life has been fucking good.

break was good. wish i could remember it to type it but fack ittt. ill start where i remember.

wednesday - saturday julie & i were down ocean city. it was fun as shyt and we went to mad outlets and purchased mad amounts of clothes. there is a new a&f and a new hollister outlet in rehobeth, both of which are freaking cheap. i like flipped out. we watched beerfest, american pie the naked mike, the pursuit of happyness, the holiday, and borat wif me mommy. we ate at seacrets, that mexican place, and harpoon hannah's. we're getting a new house down there - we looked at it this weekend too. it is fucking beautiful. if we get it i sooo cant wait for summer. mad partayyss.

saturday night i went up to towson & chilled at john's.  me brian tyler & john stayed up all night. greatnight, i looove my friends. all of them.

sunday i came home and sat inside all day.

monday i went to school which blew and after school i bought nikki & julie starbucks & dropped them back off at school. then, i went over allie's and hung out with joe, ericka, and billy junior. today is billy's first birthday!!!!!!!! i love him so much. then, i drove over to jared's and hung out with him and ryan. jareds cat attacked me again ahahha i screamed and ran into jared's room. then i had to scream for jared to save me cause the cat was clawing at the door. ahhaha. then i came home and brian came over. we had fun as hell and im completely in love with him. i love you brian.

today is brian and mine's one-monther.  we've been together two months longer than that but a month ago it was official. i love him i love him i love him.

oh yeah and im pretty sure today is student appreash day, so that'll be sweet.



"postlapsaria" = a transcendalist paradigm

transcendalists are people who believe in "an ideal spiritual state that 'transcends' the physical and empirical and is only realized through the individual's intuition, rather than through the doctrines of established religions."

a "paradigm" is a group of ideas, beliefs, concepts or practices that establish a certain way of viewing the world/reality. basically, an example or archetype on which other ideas, concepts and actions are based.

iam starting over.

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December 2007


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